Chapter 9

Brooke struggled with her luggage and her keys, before the door suddenly swung open from the inside, and a grinning Alexis appeared in front of her.

“Brooke! You’re back!” she shouted in excitement, before pulling the blonde into a tight hug.

Brooke grinned, and though she was somewhat surprised at the eagerness of her normally reticent roommate, she happily returned the hug with equal enthusiasm. It had been great to go home, but it was nice to have a good friend and roommate to return to as well.

“So, your hair’s still purple, I see. I thought you were going to change it up again.”

Alexis ran a hand absentmindedly through her hair, and then helped Brooke drag all her stuff inside their room. “Well I dyed it blue over the break, in honor of Hanukah. But then it faded to this horrible gray color, which wasn’t so hot, and the purple is my favorite shade so far, so I just decided to be boring and go back to this.”

Brooke laughed. “Damn, Alex. I think you’re the only one who could ever think of purple hair as boring.”

Alexis just smirked. “Anyway, I’ve been back for hours, but no one else is around yet, so I’ve just been waiting here with nothing to do. Where’s Sam? You two didn’t kill each other, did you? According to Katie, that almost happened last year, when you went home for the holidays.”

“Actually, yeah, she was getting on my nerves, so I decided that the simplest thing to do was just to kill her. The parentals weren’t too happy about it, but they’ll get over it. Hope you don’t mind. I know you and Sam had become friends too.” Alexis chuckled amusedly, as Brooke continued. “No, she just went to her own room to unpack a little and maybe take a nap. So yeah, things with Sam are...good.” Brooke smiled hesitantly to herself, as she thought about her evolving relationship with her step-sister.

When she looked back to her roommate, Brooke noticed that Alexis was eyeing her suspiciously. “Okay, you’ve got this weird contemplative look on your face.” The ringing of Alexis’ phone cut off anything else Alexis meant to say. “I should probably get that. But we’re going to talk about this later! I can tell that there’s more to things than what you’re telling me.”

[ Well I have to admit that she’s right. Everything certainly is a little more complicated than just “Things with Sam are good.” But I think I need to mask my emotions better. Between Nic and Alexis, my friends can apparently read me way too easily. ]

Two weeks later, and Brooke couldn’t believe that she had let Jason drag her here. She stood in line with an even-more-than-usually-excited Jason, and an amused Alexis, as they waited to get into the club. Her thoughts returned to the conversation that had brought them there.

It was the first night after arriving back from Winter break. Jason had been the next one to arrive back at the dorm, after Brooke and Sam. Katie wasn’t returning until the next day, and Sam was off somewhere with Luke, so Brooke, Alexis, and Jason sat hanging out and catching up in their favorite local coffee shop.

They made an interesting-looking group -- an “All-American” blonde beauty; a girl with purple hair and dark, smoky eyeliner; and a bald, clean-cut black man.

After a good half hour of chatting, Jason brought up the topic of Sam and Luke. “It’s too bad they didn’t come out with us. I know Luke’s taken, and not inclined my way, but I can’t say that I mind having a little more testosterone around sometimes. No offense, girls.”

Brooke sighed. “Ugh, no. I have seen way too much of that boy over the last few weeks.”

“I thought you liked Luke.” Alexis looked at Brooke questioningly. “Does this have anything to do with the reason that you got all thoughtful when I mentioned Sam, earlier? Everything IS okay with you two, right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Really. And I do like Luke. I guess. He just seemed to constantly be hanging around. Though I’m sure Sam was happy about it, it sucked that he lives so close to us. Sometimes I wanted to spend time just with Sam, but he was almost always there, and it got kind of annoying. I think even Sam was getting a little tired of him by the end of break. My dad and Jane loved him, though, and were constantly hinting that I should try and find someone like him for myself.” Brooke grimaced slightly at the thought of her very-own Luke.

There was a short silence as all three simultaneously sipped at their drinks. Then, Brooke suddenly blurted out, “Jason, how did you know you were gay?”

Brooke cringed the second the words left her mouth. She hadn’t been planning on starting this particular conversation so soon. It just happened, before she could stop herself.

Two pairs of eyes widened and stared at Brooke. Then, a huge grin spread across Jason’s face. “Oh. My. God. Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Because I did wonder about you when we first met, but I thought I was completely off base, and my gaydar just needed some tweaking. But apparently not! This is SO exciting!”

“I don’t know what I’m saying. I just got to thinking about some things recently, and it’s all pretty confusing. I dunno.” Brooke sighed and ran her hand through her hair, feeling the start of what was possibly an oncoming headache.

Alexis reached out and gently touched Brooke’s shoulder, getting her attention. “You know you can talk to us about any of this, right? If you’re questioning stuff or whatever, maybe it would help to talk it out. But you totally don’t have to if you don’t want to. Right, Jason?” Alexis looked pointedly at Jason, apparently hoping he would control his obvious eagerness for continuing the conversation.

“Hey, she’s the one who brought it up, not me. I think she wants to talk about it. But yeah, I’m totally there for ya, Brookie, whatever you want. Oh, and to answer the original question...with the benefit of hindsight, I think I probably had a crush on my seventh grade math teacher. He was also my soccer coach and was absolutely gorgeous. But throughout high school, I actually dated a bunch of girls. I was a pretty big jock back then, if you’d believe it, and I went to the gym all the time. Of course, I probably paid a little too close attention to all the other hot bodies working out around me. And sophomore year, I was on a date with some girl, and had agreed to watch the movie, ‘How Stella Got Her Groove Back.’ I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Taye Diggs is a beautiful, beautiful man. So that was kind of my official awakening. I didn’t come out, except for a few close friends, until the end of senior year, though. So, to sum it all up, Taye Diggs is how I knew I was gay.”

Jason then turned his attention back to Brooke and grinned. “So, Brooke...how did YOU know you were gay?”

[ Oh, god. I should have known that he would have a field day with this. Oh well. ]

“I DON’T know that I’m gay. That’s the whole point! But yeah, it’s slightly possible that I might be. Or at least bi. Maybe. I dunno.”

Jason’s expression softened at Brooke’s obvious distress. “Look, hun, I’m sorry I’ve been jumping all over you. I know this can be really confusing and difficult and shit. I just want to help. You know that, right? But Alex is right. It would probably help to talk it out, I think. I wish I had had someone to talk to when I started dealing with all this.”

Brooke smiled gratefully at her two friends, took a deep breath, and tried to explain what she was feeling. It was hard to point to anything specific. Sam had been watching “Buffy” DVDs, and suddenly got into the idea of watching other stuff that some of the main actors were in.

So one night, Brooke, Sam, and Luke found themselves watching “Imagine Me & You,” a movie that none of them had heard of, but it had the actor who played Giles. Brooke got a lot more invested into the story than she had expected to. It got some thoughts running through her head. About how she certainly wouldn’t mind if Lena Headey came along and swept her off her feet. That was the simple explanation.

Brooke chose not to explain that she was possibly developing a major crush on Sam. And she certainly wasn’t prepared to tell them that she had actually already hooked up with Sam. But she wasn’t sure if that counted, anyway, since neither of them really remembered much. While watching the movie, Brooke had been very aware that she, Sam, and Luke kind of formed a similar triangle to Luce, Rachel, and Heck.

Except in her own situation, Brooke was the odd-one-out. But she wasn’t quite ready to talk about all that yet.

So now here Brooke was, fake ID in hand, about to enter her first gay club. Jason, the only one of them who had been there before, eagerly led the way over to the bar. “In honor of Brooke’s introduction to experimenting with her lezzy side and Alex’s willingness to be our token straight girl, first round’s on me!”

As the shot of tequila slid down her throat, Brooke took some time to scout the place out. It was pretty crowded, and there seemed to be close to equal numbers of guys and girls. There was an open dance floor leading right up to the bar, with a bunch of seating around the edges.

There was also a small balcony overlooking the main area, with a sign indicating that some more seats and the restrooms could be found upstairs.

Somehow, Jason had managed to spot a few friends of his across the room. Each grabbing another drink, they maneuvered their way over to the table. After the standard introductions, Brooke allowed the conversation to flow around her, as she turned to take in the scene.

More out of habit than anything else, Brooke first found her eyes searching out the males in her vicinity.

[ Well, I have to admit that I still think guys are pretty attractive. But these ones certainly aren’t interested in me, and I’m not here to look for guys, anyway. ]

Next, Brooke let her gaze fall to the many women around her. Her heart beat faster, as she allowed herself to freely check out another woman for the first time. Soon, a light peal of laughter to her left caught Brooke’s attention. Turning in that direction, she found herself staring at a tall brunette, standing nearby in a small group of people.

[ My god, she’s gorgeous. ]

Just then, the girl happened to look directly towards Brooke, and their eyes locked. The girl smirked slightly, and Brooke quickly turned to face straight ahead, mortified to be caught looking.

[ Fuck. That was SO not smooth. ]

As the evening progressed, Brooke actually found herself having more fun than she thought she would. She was pleasantly tipsy, but while several girls had hit on her, asking her to dance, her only foray onto the dance floor was when she and Alexis sandwiched a giggling Jason between them. She had occasionally spotted “her girl” -- because yes, Brooke already thought of the striking girl as hers -- a few more times, only allowing herself some subtle (at least she hoped they were subtle) glances in her direction. She didn’t know why this girl had caught her attention so easily, but Brooke had to admit that her dancing form was very nice to look at.

Now, she leaned on the balcony railing, surveying the mass of bodies below her. Alexis and Jason had stayed close to Brooke all night, not wanting to abandon her on her first time at a place like this. But Alexis was currently outside getting a bit of fresh air, and when a hot guy had asked Jason to dance, Brooke smiled and assured him that she would be perfectly fine on her own for a bit. So now she stood, nursing her rum and coke, and subconsciously looking around for her girl. She couldn’t find her, though, and started to think that she might have left.

Brooke felt more than saw someone come and stand next to her, assuming a similar pose of leaning against the balcony. Her new companion cleared her throat, and then put her hand out for Brooke to shake. “Hi, I’m Liz.”

Brooke turned to shake the offered hand, ready to politely express a non-interest, but...

[ It’s her! ]

...she found herself staring into her girl’s smiling face. Brooke felt her cheeks instantly flush. Pulling herself together, she replied, “Uh, hi. I’m Brooke.”

[ Oh god. Okay, calm down, don’t be an idiot. I’ve always been able to deal with guys easily, so this shouldn’t be any different, right? ]

“Nice to meet you, Brooke. I don’t mean to embarrass you, but I couldn’t help but notice you looking at me earlier. I was waiting to see if you’d come up to me, but you haven’t, so when I saw you here, I thought I might as well come introduce myself.” Noticing the somewhat shocked look on Brooke’s face, she asked, “Shit, I haven’t weirded you out too much, have I? My friends always tell me I can sometimes be too aggressive. Sorry.”

“Uh, no. Not at all.” Brooke found herself smiling back into the warm face in front of her. She downed the last of her drink, and then, before she could stop herself, Brooke asked, “Do you want to dance?”

[ Shit. Did I really just ask her to dance? I can’t believe I just asked that. ]

Liz smiled brightly. “I’d love to. Let’s go.” And grabbing Brooke’s hand, she led the way back down the stairs and out onto the dance floor.

They started off somewhat awkwardly, with Liz initiating some light touches between them. But, as one song led to several more, and Brooke got into the feel of things, they slowly got closer and closer together, until Brooke felt Liz’s hands on her hips, and she slung one arm around Liz’s shoulders. Liz was certainly a better dancer than any guy she had ever been with. Brooke closed her eyes, letting herself go. This felt familiar, somehow. It felt right.

And before she knew what happened, she was being kissed. Brooke was shocked at first, and almost pulled away. But then, without letting herself think about it too much, Brooke was kissing back. It was a nice, gentle kiss. The soft pressure against her lips was different from kissing guys, but in a good way, she thought. Then the mouth against Brooke’s opened slightly, as her tongue ran lightly across Brooke’s bottom lip.

On one hand, Brooke knew that it was a very nice kiss. It felt good. But on the other hand, something felt very wrong. And suddenly, as she caught a whiff of lavender, it hit her. Because Liz looked kind of like Sam. And in her mind, she had been kissing Sam, not Liz. But Sam smelled like fresh apples, not lavender. And Liz was taller. It was all wrong.

Suddenly, Brooke felt very claustrophobic. She gently pushed Liz away from her, breaking the kiss. “I’m so sorry, Liz. I can’t do this. I have to go.” And without another word, although she could hear Liz calling after her, Brooke turned and squeezed her way towards the door. Jason and Alexis, who had witnessed the entire thing, quickly followed her outside, worried about the rapid change of events.

“Brooke, are you okay? What happened?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...it was too much. I couldn’t...I dunno. I had a lot of fun, honestly. Thanks for taking me out. But can we go home, now?”
Sitting in the cab, joking around with her two friends, Brooke finally felt herself relax again. She was glad that they hadn’t pushed her for more information.

[ Well, I guess that answers the question of whether or not I like Sam. ]
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WARNING: Heterosexuality ahead. This chapter is rated R.

Chapter 10

Sam woke up, but didn’t yet want to open her eyes. Stretching, she was surprised to feel another body in bed next to her. Her eyes shot open.

[ Oh, right. Of course. That was silly. Who else would be in my bed? ]

A half-naked Luke stirred, reaching an arm around Sam’s waist, but didn’t wake.

Looking at the clock, she saw that it was still early, so let herself relax back into Luke’s arms. She shifted positions, and felt a sudden and unexpected discomfort. And then it all came flooding back to her. She remembered what had happened. How could she have forgotten??

Luke and Sam had been dating for almost six and a half months. Everything was going smoothly. At least, it was most of the time. Sometimes Luke got too clingy, but then Sam would pull back a little bit, and he’d understand and would pull back as well without Sam needing to ask him to, and everything would be good again.

Things had been going well for a while now, and Sam was very comfortable with the relationship. Luke had been acting a bit strange, though, for about the past week. She knew he was taking her out to eat, tonight, but he hadn’t told her where. He was being altogether mysterious about the whole evening, but had told her to dress semi-formally. She tried to think...she hadn’t forgotten any special occasion, had she?

A knock on the door broke through her thoughts. Sam was nervous, but didn’t really know why. She wished Katie were here, but her roommate’s parents happened to be in New York, so she was staying with them in their hotel room for the night. Opening the door, Sam found a grinning Luke, bearing a nice bouquet of flowers. “Hello, my lovely. Ready for a night out on the town?”

Forty-five minutes later, Sam and Luke were seated at a nice Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side. She recognized it as the place where his cousin worked, and the connection had gotten them a bottle of wine, even though they were both underage. Luke cleared his throat, and raised his glass. Sam raised hers as well, curious as to where he was going with all this.

“Well, here’s to the start of what I hope will be an enjoyable evening. Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear.”

Sam giggled and looked at Luke questioningly. “Um, I hate to break it to you, but you’re about a week ahead of schedule. You do know that Valentine’s Day is traditionally on the 14th, right? Today’s only the 8th, Luke.”

If anything, Luke’s grin only got wider. “This is true. BUT, if my suspicions are correct, then I’m guessing that someone like you doesn’t really like to buy into the whole Valentine’s Day commercial craziness. Am I right?”

“Well yeah, I guess so. I mean, it’s an overrated day that was basically given meaning by Hallmark, in order to make us buy lots of stuff. Plus, Valentine’s Day when you’re single sucks, and no good holiday should make anyone feel bad. But anyway, what’s your point?”

[ I thought I had gotten pretty good at understanding him, but I have absolutely no idea where he’s going with this. ]

“Well, it all really comes down to my second suspicion about you. Which is that, underneath your hard exterior, you’re actually quite the romantic. And why shouldn’t you get a nice Valentine’s Day, just because it’s overly-commercialized? So, I’m preempting Hallmark, and declaring today to be our very own Valentine’s Day. Tonight’s our chance to do all the cheesy couple things that you would be way too mortified to actually do on the 14th. Does that work for you?”

Sam laughed out loud, and couldn’t contain her smile. “As crazy as that sounds, it may just be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

The candlelit dinner was followed by ice skating at Rockefeller Center, and then a cozy ride through Central Park in a horse-drawn carriage.

[ Luke was right. Tonight has been so much fun, but there’s no way that I would ever do these things on Valentine’s. Way too cliché. ]

When they got back to Sam’s dorm, she invited him up to her room, not wanting the night to end yet. She had only had a little bit of wine with dinner, but she felt almost intoxicated with the whole evening. And when she stared into Luke’s eyes, she was taken aback by the depth of the emotion she saw there. Was it love? Did Luke love her? Did she love Luke? She honestly hadn’t really thought much about it. And for the first time in a while, Sam felt a shot of desire course through her. She had certainly gotten fairly physical with Luke before, but he was always the one to initiate it, and while it definitely wasn’t unpleasant, it wasn’t something she actively wanted.

[ But now...now everything feels perfect. Luke has been nothing short of amazing for six months, and he’s never pushed me to do more than I wanted to, even though I’m sure that most guys would’ve expected to be able to sleep with their girlfriends by now. Brooke said that my first time should be special. Well, I don’t think that I love him, but tonight’s been wonderful, tonight’s been special. There’s nothing wrong with rewarding him for that, right? ]

Luke was looking at her curiously, and Sam suddenly realized that she’d been silently staring at him. She smiled, before walking over to him, where he sat in the chair by her desk, and reaching out to run her hand through his hair. “Thank you for tonight.”

He stood up and gazed into her eyes, then brought his lips down to hers. The passion between them escalated quickly, but Sam started to feel somewhat awkward, realizing that she didn’t really know what to do.

Luke led her back to her bed. First, Sam made a point of staying upright, simply sitting on the bed, but allowed his hands to wander over her body. Luke moaned into her mouth when Sam leaned back on the bed, pulling him with her. She jumped a little when she felt the bulge in his pants press against her.

He pulled back slightly. “You okay?”

Sam just nodded, as she didn’t trust her voice to work correctly. It had suddenly become so much more real. This was actually happening. She tried to keep herself from freaking out. Tried to just let herself go. Eventually, as Luke kissed his way down to her neck, she managed to relax a little more. But it was strange...she felt the pressure of Luke above her, but she somehow still felt detached from what was going on.

[ Right now, I almost just want to get this over with. Just want to know what all the fuss is about. Brooke would definitely not approve of this kind of thinking. But fuck, why am I thinking about Brooke right now?? ]

“Luke...do you...do you have a condom?”

Luke froze all motion, then lifted himself up to look at Sam. “Um, yeah. I have one. But...Sam, are you sure about this? Because I really don’t want you to--”

Sam interrupted him by reaching up and stroking his cheek. “It’s okay. I’m sure. I want this.” Sam wasn’t sure that she really wanted it, but hoped that she would convince herself, as well as Luke.

She apparently sounded convincing enough for Luke, who happily pulled off his shirt and reached down to his belt buckle.

When Luke first entered her, Sam cringed in pain. Luke didn’t see it, though, as his eyes were closed in pleasure. When she asked about the condom, she hadn’t meant for the foreplay to end, but once he had gotten the go-ahead, Luke had seemed eager to move forward before she changed her mind. He was very gentle with her, but it still hurt.

As he slowly moved inside her, the pain diminished slightly, but it still wasn’t exactly comfortable. She enjoyed the feel of him sucking on her neck and collarbone, though, so she tried to focus more on that. Luke brought his face back up to hers, mumbling about how good she felt and how beautiful she was. Sam smiled weakly in response.

His movements sped up, and Sam simply clung to him, trying to ground herself, to shake off some of the overwhelming loss of control that she felt.

And then it was over. Luke shuddered, crying out in ecstasy, and then collapsed on top of her, breathing hard. He kissed her, grinning blissfully. “That was fantastic, Sam. You’re amazing. Thank you.” And he rolled off of her, cuddling up to her side.

Sam felt weird, lying there naked, so had got out some pajamas, and Luke had pulled his boxers back on. She lay awake long after Luke drifted off. She couldn’t figure out how she felt. Her mind raced, trying to work it all out, before she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

[ Oh god. I can’t believe I actually had sex with Luke last night. Do I regret it? No, not really. But I’m not exactly ecstatic about it either. ]

Sam turned on her side, studying Luke’s sleeping form. She wondered where everything would go from there. Would the relationship between them change? Would Luke expect to have sex a lot now?

[ Well, at least the sex will probably get better. Right? It has to get better. ]


A/N: Hope you don’t hate me for the hetero sex in this one...I know it’s not exactly what a lot of you (most of you? all of you?) are looking for. Sorry about that! But it’ll get better. Eventually.