Is it just temporary insanity...?

Chapter 15

Brooke lay in bed, thinking about Sam. It had been a week and a half since the incident with Charlie. She hadn’t had to see him again since then, and she suspected that the only reason was because of Sam.

Alexis and Katie had both noticed that something was up with Brooke, and rather than lie to them, she had sat them down and told them what happened. Later, when Brooke was commenting to Alexis that she was surprised that she hadn’t run into Charlie, yet, since they used to cross paths fairly often on their way to and from classes, Alex had gotten a weird look on her face.

Brooke managed to extract the information that Sam had apparently gone to “have a few words” with Charlie, basically warning him to stay the hell away from Brooke. Brooke was both extremely grateful and touched that Sam would do such a thing. She really didn’t want to see Charlie anytime soon.

Sam had become her anchor, once again. Brooke was reminded of the time in high school, after Nicole’s near-murderous rampage. Sam had been perfect back then, too. Comforting, but not overbearing. Somehow, Sam knew just how to take Brooke’s pain seriously, while simultaneously continuing on with life as usual. Both now and back then, Brooke really appreciated having a sense of normalcy. It was important to know that life went on.

The key difference this time, though, was that Brooke’s main problems weren’t physical. Other than a few bruises which had faded quickly, there had been nothing to mark the fact that something had changed within Brooke. The scars were there, they just weren’t visible.

As Brooke lay in contemplation, the door to her room opened, and a figure, illuminated briefly by the light in the hallway, entered the room quietly and closed the door again.

Brooke calmly turned towards the figure, whom she could just barely see in the darkness, and smiled to herself.

Brooke hesitated outside Sam’s room.

[ This is stupid. Why am I being such a coward? Just knock on the door, already. But no, I shouldn’t do this. Sam’s done enough already. I should just go. ]

Brooke was about to turn around and leave, when the door swung open, and Sam almost walked straight into her.

“Brooke! Wow, I just totally almost ran you over. Shit, bad choice of words. Sorry! Anyway, I was actually just about to come see how you were doing.”

“Oh, yeah. I was about to knock. I’m okay. You know. All things considered.”

Sam looked expectantly at Brooke, who realized that Sam must be waiting for her explanation as to why she had been about to knock at the door.

“Um, well... Can I come in?”

“Right, yeah, of course. Sorry.”

Both girls were a little jittery. It was the first night after the party. But Brooke actually didn’t feel as awkward as she thought she might have, considering the fact that she had woken up that morning with her body draped completely over Sam’s.

“Well, I was in my room, just now. Lying in bed. But I just couldn’t get comfortable. You know? I couldn’t relax. And, uh...so...I just thought...I dunno...I wondered...well...”

“You can sleep in here again if you want to, Brooke. I’m about ready for bed, myself.”

Brooke looked up at Sam in surprise. “Really? I mean, you wouldn’t mind?”

Sam smiled at her shyly. “No, not at all. I actually slept really well last night. And I meant what I said last night. I’m right here, and I’ll hold you for as long as you want me to, Brooke. You mean so much to me. I’ll do anything I can.”

Brooke smiled in relief, her eyes tearing up a bit. “You mean so much to me, too, Sammy. Thank you. For everything.”

Knowing that Sam had arrived, Brooke scooted closer to the wall, making room in her bed. Sam wordlessly slipped under the sheets, snuggling up to Brooke.

“Mmmm, you smell good. Goodnight, Princess.”

“Goodnight, Sammy.”

After that second night in Sam’s room, Brooke and Sam settled into a nightly routine. Whichever one finished her homework for the night first would send a quick email to the other one, letting her know that she was going to bed. When the second one finished her own work, she would then let herself into the first one’s room, and join her in bed.

They always started the night with both girls sleeping on their sides, and Sam spooning into Brooke from behind, one arm draped over Brooke’s waist. By the morning, though, Sam was usually on her back, with Brooke part-way on top of her, their arms wrapped around each other. And somehow, it was never awkward, when they woke up like that.

Until recently, Brooke would never have allowed herself to get this close, physically, to Sam. It would have been too agonizing, to share such closeness in a non-romantic way. But now, that un-official rule had been thrown out the window. Because Brooke needed the physical comfort, and Sam seemed willing to give it.

Of course, Luke hadn’t been too happy when he heard that Sam didn’t plan on spending nights at Columbia for a little while, and that Sam didn’t think that he should spend the night at NYU, either. Brooke felt a little guilty about this, but not really. She was only too glad to serve as the reason for there being less Luke around.

[ It’s not really a competition, and she is still officially dating him, but for this, I’m really happy that Sam picked me over Luke. ]

With Sam’s arms wrapped comfortably around her, Brooke felt complete. Sam’s hold was tight, but not suffocating. Snuggling with Sam had quickly become Brooke’s new favorite hobby.

She had been gratified to learn that Sam apparently felt similarly, as well.

Brooke was reading an assignment for class, while lying on her bed. She was surprised, when Sam walked in and proceeded to essentially crawl into Brooke’s lap to take a nap. When she woke up, Sam explained that she had simply gotten used to sleeping in the same room as Brooke. She apparently didn’t sleep as well on her own anymore.

Brooke listened to the gradual steadying of Sam’s breathing. She loved listening to and being with Sam like this, with all her guards down.

Brooke’s breath hitched, however, as she felt Sam’s fingers start to move idly across her stomach. Brooke’s shirt had ridden up slightly, leaving her skin bare to Sam’s touch. Sam had never done this before. For a moment, Brooke almost forgot to breathe.

“Sam?” Brooke whispered. “Sam, are you awake?”

Sam grunted slightly, but Brooke wasn’t sure that Sam was at all conscious of what Brooke had actually said. She doubted that Sam was even truly aware of what her fingers were doing. Brooke had learned that there was a period, just before Sam fell fully asleep, when she was partly awake, but even if you managed to have any kind of conversation with her, she would have no recollection of it the next morning.

Brooke, on the other hand, was VERY aware of Sam’s every movement, tracing slow, lazy shapes around Brooke’s navel and across her belly.

At first, Brooke tensed up. Then, however, she simply let the feeling of Sam’s fingers wash over her, relaxing her. She was slightly embarrassed to feel the beginnings of a deep throbbing between her legs.

Brooke sighed, torn between wanting to pull farther away and wanting to get even closer to Sam, if it were possible.

[ Sam’s about 75% of the way to deep sleep, and here I am, getting turned on. Great. ]

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Chapter 16

Sam was pacing back and forth in her room. She felt like she had been doing that a lot, lately. Luke would probably be there soon, and Sam still hadn’t figured out what, exactly, she wanted to say to him.

The idea had been to plan it all out ahead of time. That way, she’d be sure of getting her point across. But she didn’t even really know what her point was. Hence, the lack of preparation.

[ The point is, simply sharing a bed and cuddling with Brooke feels better than sleeping with Luke ever does. And that includes both the regular kind of sleeping and the “having sex” kind of sleeping. I don’t think Luke would take it too well if I word it quite like that, though. ]

Sometimes, Sam could barely believe that she spent every night snuggled up with Brooke. When she tried to think about it rationally, it just seemed so strange. But there was no denying that it felt right, somehow. Brooke was the one who needed the support, but Sam found herself just as reluctant to change their newly developed sleeping habits.

Sam was pretty sure that they were the only two who knew about the sleeping arrangement. It wasn’t like anyone would have any issues with the situation -- Brooke had gone through a traumatic experience, and Sam was there to comfort her.

But still, Sam wanted to keep it a secret, for now. Because it felt like there was more to it than that. Providing comfort was certainly not the only reason that Sam spent every night with her arms wrapped around Brooke. And Sam was just starting to admit to herself what the other reasons might be.

They were definitely surprising, these new feelings, but not completely shocking.

[ Because really, who WOULDN’T enjoy sharing a bed with someone as gorgeous and kind and wonderful as Brooke? ]

Sam frowned as she realized that, in a way, she owed the current situation to Charlie. Was it bad to feel happy about something that only happened because of something horrible?

Charlie. Just the thought of him still made her cringe. Sam hadn’t seen him in a while. She had the feeling that, ever since their conversation three weeks ago, he was doing his best to avoid her.

Sam sat on the floor, propped up against a door and reading a book. She looked up as she heard the door to the hallway open. Charlie froze as soon as he saw Sam, sitting outside his room.

“Sam. What...what are you doing here?”

Sam stood up and glared at Charlie. “Well, I’m waiting for you, of course. I thought we should have a little chat,” she deadpanned. Charlie didn’t say anything, just looked at Sam worriedly. Sam sighed and continued, “Somehow, I doubt that you want to have this conversation while we stand out here in the middle of the hall. So are you going to let me into your room, or not?”

Charlie seemed to snap out of his momentary daze, as he went to unlock the door. “Right. Yeah, sure.”

Once inside, Charlie stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked anxiously over towards Sam, who stood by the door with her arms crossed.

“So I’m guessing that Brooke told you about the other night. I don’t really know what you and I have to talk about, though. I’ve been purposely giving Brooke some space, and then, if I can just talk to Brooke, then...”

Sam scoffed. “You want to talk to Brooke? I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

“I know, I know. I’m sure she doesn’t want to see me right now, which is why I haven’t approached her yet. But Sam, I just want to apologize. I feel horrible about...about what almost happened. If I could just talk to her...”

Sam felt a return of the overwhelming anger that she had been feeling towards the man who now stood in front of her. Her whole body visibly tensed, as she took a few steps forward, until she stood right in front of Charlie.

Charlie was significantly bigger and taller than Sam, but if anything, it was Charlie who looked intimidated.

“Look. You lost the right to apologize to Brooke. She doesn’t want to see you! Period! You’re sorry?? Well that’s great, but that doesn’t change what ‘almost’ happened. It doesn’t change what DID happen! The fact that you didn’t succeed at what you set out to do doesn’t get you off the hook! So you lost your right to assuage your own guilt by apologizing to Brooke. An apology won’t make Brooke feel better. It won’t make her feel safer again. It’ll only make you feel better, and I don’t give a shit how you feel! So just back the fuck off!”

“Please, Sam. I made one mistake...Just let me have five minutes with her...I want to make it right.”

Sam looked at Charlie incredulously. Her voice lowered to a harsh whisper. “One mistake?? That’s how you see it? Charlie, you tried to RAPE her! That’s not just a simple mistake that can get fixed in five minutes!”

Her voice rose in volume again, as she raised her arms to Charlie’s chest and shoved him backwards. The action took him by surprise, and he stumbled back a few steps. “So fuck you! If I had my way, you would’ve been expelled by now for sexual assault! But Brooke doesn’t want to go through the mess of pressing charges, and unlike you, I have no desire to force her to do something that she doesn’t want to do. So really, you should consider yourself lucky, you asshole!”

Sam shoved Charlie again, and he almost tripped over his own feet, as he tried to get out of her way. He found himself with his back to the wall, and Sam still standing right up in his face.

“Okay, okay, I’m really sorry! I’ll stay away from her, okay?”

“That’s not good enough. You get to just go on with your life, like nothing happened? That’s not good enough! You should hurt too.”

But Sam didn’t know what would make it good enough. She felt the frustration of everything wash over her. There was nothing she could do that would match the horribleness of what Charlie had done. So, without really thinking, her hand shot out to Charlie’s crotch, grabbing hold of his balls and squeezing tightly. She didn’t really know what she was doing, but figured that he would already be pretty sensitive because of Brooke’s well-placed knee, four nights earlier.

Charlie’s eyes widened, as he sunk down a little ways against the wall, but with nowhere to go to get away from Sam’s grip.

“Do you know why I’m doing this, Charlie?”

“Um, because I’m an asshole?”

“I’m sorry, that is an incorrect response. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. I mean, it’s certainly true that you’re an asshole. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I’ve known a lot of assholes, but I don’t go around doing this too often.”

“Well that’s good to know. But do you think you’ll be letting go anytime soon? I’m kind of in a lot of pain, here.” Charlie’s voice came out just above a strangled whisper.

“That’s the whole point, you idiot! But anyway, I’m not doing this because you’re an asshole. I’m doing this because Brooke trusted you, and you took advantage of that, and she would never do something like this to you, but you deserve to have something done to you. And this is the best I can do. But remember, you may be in a lot of pain right now, but you generally won’t need to worry about it happening again with every girl you meet. Brooke, on the other hand, now has to worry that the next guy who comes along will turn into someone like you. And I just can’t get over how much that sucks.”

Sam glared deeply at Charlie, who had by now shut his eyes tightly as he bit down on his bottom lip.

[ It’s good to see him in pain, but...it’s not quite as satisfying as I’d hoped it would be. ]

Finally, she released her grip, letting Charlie sink the rest of the way down to the ground. Sam walked to the door, before turning around one more time.

“Oh, and by the way...I work for the newspaper, as you know. But what you might not realize is that, in such a position, I tend to hear about EVERYTHING that goes on on this campus. And if I hear even the slightest hint that you’ve done anything less than respectful to another girl...then I assure you that, not only will this entire school find out about what you’ve done, but I’ll see to it that, physically, you’re never able to have any children.”

And without another word, Sam turned and left the room.

[ If anything were to happen, I’d probably never hear about it, and I’m not even sure what ensuring his lack of progeny would entail, but I think that he’s probably sufficiently scared of me to not call my bluff. ]

Sam was pulled from her memories by a knock at her door.

[ Great. I really wish that I hadn’t had to have that conversation, and I really don’t want to have this one either. ]

Sam sighed, and went to answer the door.

“Hey, Luke. Come on in.”

“So...you wanted to talk?” Luke already looked defensive.

“Yeah...Luke, I...I don’t even really know where to start. But you have to agree that things aren’t exactly going well between us at the moment.”

“I agree that you’ve been pulling away from me. No matter what I do, you keep pulling away!”

Sam bit her lip, looking sadly at Luke. “I know. I haven’t been a good girlfriend recently. And I’m sorry about that.”

Luke interrupted, “Let me guess...this is the part where you tell me that it’s not me, it’s you. And then you’ll try to ease me out of your life, while asking if we can still be friends.” Sam was slightly taken aback by the bitterness in Luke’s voice.

“Luke...I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Well you are breaking up with me, right? That’s why you called me down here for the first time in almost a month? Is this about Brooke? She finally managed to convince you that you should dump me?”

“Brooke? What are you talking about? Brooke has nothing to do with this. I decided on my own that I don’t think we should date anymore.”

[ Well, it is true that I decided on my own. But it’s not true that Brooke had nothing to do with it. ]

“Brooke has everything to do with this! You do know that she’s in love with you, right?”

[ Say WHAT now?? ]

“What did you just say?” The conversation had suddenly taken a very unexpected turn. Sam didn’t know what to think.

“She’s in love with you. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed anything before. But the way she looks at you...” Luke trailed off momentarily, not needing to finish the sentence. “So yeah, I’d say that Brooke has everything to do with this. Something happened with her recently, and you’ve barely left her side since then. She’s trying to steal you away.”

[ Brooke’s in love with me? That can’t be right. She’s never acted like she’s in love with me. Has she? ]

Sam was only half paying attention to Luke at this point. Her mind had started running with the possibility that she had misread Brooke’s feelings towards her. Sam already knew that Brooke loved her...but for Brooke to be IN love with her? That was a completely different story.

“Sam! Will you at least look at me, as you end our relationship which lasted for over a year?!”

Sam looked sharply over to Luke, once again focusing on him.

“We dated for over a year. Wow. Somehow I had forgotten that it’s been that long.” She paused, as a feeling of regret came over her. “I’m a horrible person. I’m so sorry, Luke. I’ve handled this so badly. I’ve known for quite a while, now, that we weren’t right for each other. But I didn’t end it. I couldn’t. Because I was a coward. But I have to end it now. And don’t blame Brooke about this. The thing that’s made Brooke and I closer recently...it’s not something that either of us wanted to happen. And if what you say about her is true...”

A small smile spread briefly across Sam’s face. Luke noticed it, though.

“If it’s true...that still had nothing to do with my choosing to break up with you. I just...I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I see us better as friends than as a couple. I’m really sorry, Luke. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Luke looked at Sam sadly. “Well, if I’m honest, then I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming. But I have to tell you... if I can’t date you, then I can’t be friends with you, Sam. Not now. I’m sorry, but don’t ask that of me. I don’t know how Brooke does it. I don’t know how she stays just friends with someone she’s in love with. Brooke can do it, apparently, but I can’t.”

Sam’s heart ached at Luke’s unsaid statement. They had never exchanged the Big Three Words. But Luke was essentially admitting to them now.

“Oh, Luke...”

“Don’t. Please don’t pity me.”

The two stood staring at each other, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, I guess I should go, then. I’d ask if you thought you might change your mind, but I have a feeling that you won’t. Good luck, Sam. Goodbye.”

Sam wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Wishing her luck seemed like an odd way to end things.

“Goodbye, Luke.”

He walked out of the room, leaving Sam to stare silently at the closed door.

[ Wow. That really sucked. ]

Breaking up with Luke was definitely the right decision. Sam knew that. But knowing it didn’t make it any easier. Because she did really like Luke. She just didn’t like him enough. And she liked someone else more. She thought about what Luke had said about Brooke. The big question was...did he know what he was talking about?

[ This definitely requires some further investigation. ]